Your Bi‐Hourly Horseoscope



horse

The HORSE
Your true love will only be The Cranberries for the day.

cat

The CAT
Sickness will plague you for the day

weasel

The WEASEL
You will not find love today.

opossum

The OPOSSUM
Your true love will only be The Cranberries for the day.

koala

The KOALA
To kill or to be killed, that is the question you must answer to yourself today.

orange

The ORANGE
You will have a slight tingling in your throat for 3 and a half hours that isn't able to be resolved until it's over.

stallion

The STALLION
Drink dispensible male fluid or be an insomniac for the week.

tangerine

The TANGERINE
You are the dancing queen

parrot

The PARROT
If you eat raw onions, you will be publicly humiliated.

peanut

The PEANUT
You will have good sleep for once... only if you release your man juice.

criminal

The CRIMINAL
You will not find love today.