Your Bi‐Hourly Horseoscope

The HORSE
Your true love will only be The Cranberries for the day.

The CAT
Sickness will plague you for the day

The WEASEL
You will not find love today.

The OPOSSUM
Your true love will only be The Cranberries for the day.

The KOALA
To kill or to be killed, that is the question you must answer to yourself today.

The ORANGE
You will have a slight tingling in your throat for 3 and a half hours that isn't able to be resolved until it's over.

The STALLION
Drink dispensible male fluid or be an insomniac for the week.

The TANGERINE
You are the dancing queen

The PARROT
If you eat raw onions, you will be publicly humiliated.

The PEANUT
You will have good sleep for once... only if you release your man juice.

The CRIMINAL
You will not find love today.